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This Invisible Air That We Carry

from Sky Drum by Oliver Loveday

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about

Just a little rant after I wasn't invited to the family reunion.

lyrics

This Invisible Air That We Carry

Sometimes there are too many feelings to feel all at once
Put the hard ones aside for now and let the past fade
Like a photograph we won't remember soon enough
Keep functional and keep smiling like we're okay
We were never okay but that's better left unsaid

It's best to use language that the audience understands
It would help if there was an audience to talk to
Erasure happens when honesty humanizes reality
Keeping up the goody goody two shoes appearance
Is more important than the truth for some

I just work here
I have feelings like everyone else
This might be a bad time to mention that
The truth stands when the world falls
But if you don't have a leg to stand on

Maggie and I opened up one of those boxes last night
Going through the quilts that had been handed down
This one box had some other items handed down
Looks like it's finally safe to go through a few things
A few pings of pain but mostly it doesn't hurt anymore

I'm not invited to the family reunion
It's not like I ever did anything other than the next right thing
But that's not good enough in a world of “pass for white”
As a child I wasn't allowed to let my hair grow out
I didn't understand why that was at the time

Now I understand that it would signal that we weren't white
Excuse me for being real in a reality where I'll never be good enough
My great-grandfather was an enrolled member of the Western Band
So much for hiding our true identity
Better to erase me from the family than admit that I was right

I'll be okay
At least I've been honest about who I am
That takes courage in a pretend reality
Some days it still hurts like hell
I've made peace with the fact that I've got feelings

Love

Oliver Loveday © September 4, 2023, 12:17 pm EDT

credits

from Sky Drum, released October 10, 2023
Oliver Loveday: poet

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Oliver Loveday Morristown, Tennessee

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